the time when I cried cos I ate some chips

It’s almost midnight.  I burst through the front door of our flat with tears streaming down my face, mascara everywhere and snivelling like a bairn…

 

My husband comes to greet me and with a mixture of horror, fear and dread on his face.  “What’s happened?” he shrieks

 

I cry harder.

 

“For god’s sake Emma what is it, WHAT’S WRONG?”

 

“I ate some chips” I begin to sob in to my hands

 

“What?“

 

“I went for chips…*some incomprehensible bawling*…and now I’m a failure” I continue to cry

 

“Emma don’t be so ridiculous” Rod says, realising it would be inappropriate and not at all in his best interests to laugh at this moment

 

“You don’t understand, it’s all ruined”  I continue, quite convinced of the sanity of my argument.

 

You see, I had been flying high on a pretty much 100% raw diet for a few months.  It was the first proper night out I’d had since transitioning.  I kinda forgot myself.  After a couple of ciders I’d decided to go for chips.  This was what I always did when I went out.  Drinks then chips on the way home.  It’s what I’d done for years.

But now?  Now ‘I’m raw’.  Now it was not allowed.  I’d failed at the first hurdle.  I’d have to start all over again.  I figured I’d fallen so far off the wagon I had to grab a bus to get back on…

***

 

Sounds ridiculous doesn’t it?

 

Do any of these feel familiar?  Guilt.  Shame.  Upset.  Bad.  Fear.  Anger.  Wagon.

 

If you’ve ever beaten yourself up about a choice you’ve made around food then you understand just how negative we can be about something which really, REALLY, isn’t that big a deal.

There is no such thing as ‘bad’ food. There is just food choices.  If you think a food is bad as you’re eating it, chances are you’re not doing yourself any favours.

 

BE THANKFUL YOU EVEN HAVE FOOD.  Many people don’t have food to eat or know where their next meal is coming from.  Many children in the world are starving.  And you are crying over chips.  Over CHIPS!!

 

It’s called PER-SPEC-TIVE.

 

Believe it or not it’s also good to make less than healthy choices now and again. It’s called LEARNING.  If you’re going to make the switch to high-raw food then part of that process involves your body learning what makes it feel good and what makes it feel less than good.  This learning can’t just be done on a mental plane, sometimes it needs to be experienced.

 

You are not weak/stupid/greedy/a failure.  Do you have any idea of the complex interplay of reasons behind every food decision you make?  My dear, you are a creature of habit, comfort, cravings, physical requirements, emotions, social situations and a whole barage of other things.  Sometimes you aren’t even aware of why you make the choices you do.

The aim ought to be about making as many concious choices as you can.  That means if you have pizza and chips that you are consciously aware that you are choosing pizza and chips in this moment and that really the most important thing is that you enjoy it.

 

Looking back now I can laugh at the whole ‘chips’ incident.  I appreciate that at the time it felt important to me that I stay raw despite all costs.  Now I understand the bigger picture.  That this is a journey to be travelled and enjoyed.  That it’s not about perfection it’s about a process.  I was far too hard on myself, I hadn’t left any room for flexibility and I came down on myself like a tonne of bricks when I strayed off my path.

 

It’s ok to walk off your path for a while.  How else will you know it’s the right path if you don’t see what else there is?

 

This isn’t a DIEt.  There is no cheating.  No failing.  No beating yourself up.  And definitely NO WAGON!

 

If you liked this blog post you might be interested in a sexy little book I’m writing at the moment called The 7 Steps to Raw Success.  If you’d like to be kept notified of this and other banter I’ve got to share then please sign up for my sextastic newsletter.  Sign up now here