So I’ve discovered raw food heathenism. When I say discovered, I actually mean invented. Yep, when I’m bored with nothing exciting to do except break knives trying to open coconuts, I like to invent forms of heathenism to pass the time and amuse myself. Turns out that raw food heathenism is the best thing since sliced nori sheets. Check it out, baby!
Raw Food Heathen – A definition:
You dig raw food but you might also eat cooked food and/or partake in alcohol whenever the hell you feel like it. Who’s the boss of you? Answer: naeb’dy.
When you eat something that makes you feel less than vital you put it down to experience. You do not sit in the corner and cry like a bitch
You don’t buy in to the belief of one way of eating that works for everyone, that’s so yesteryear
You realise everyone is still working out what works for them and that this probably evolves over time
You threw out your soap box ages ago and replaced it with a BOOMBOX which you use to play this full blast whilst dancing around your kitchen. Whoa, baby!
You make your own rules… and then break them. You’re not the boss of you!
You might make judgements about what people are eating (hell, you’re only human) but you certainly don’t voice them like a proper arsehole
You don’t hate on people because of where they’re at in their journey
You don’t hate on people because of what they eat or don’t eat
You don’t hate on people for hating on people, they just haven’t reached the awesome heathen status yet!
What you eat or don’t eat is not part of your identity
You are far too busy working on your own superhero qualities to be worrying about what others are eating, let alone arguing with them about it
You’re so over what anyone else thinks about what you eat
You don’t think you’re “right” or that you know it all
You wrap your naked body in clingfilm and dance around your kitchen to The Cure
You make up bullshit about clingfilm
You’re your own raw food guru, you just haven’t figured out a cool Guru name for yourself yet, you’re thinking knightesscacaosparklepants might be a bit of a mouthful…
You read about a superfood “supporting DNA oscillation patterns” and think that might actually be a heap of bullshit
You buy it anyway
You can laugh at yourself
You don’t take it all so seriously
You’re open to new ideas about food and health
You know that nutrition is just one part of the puzzle
You’re super happy to have food to eat in the first place
You are very good at dancing
You are very good at making lists
You are not so good at opening coconuts without breaking your boyfriend’s knife
You don’t care about knives anyway. Knives shmives.
I’m going now
JOIN THE RAW FOOD HEATHEN PARTY, BABY! The water’s just right….
This blog was written by Raw Food Scotland's previous owner, Emma Calvert. You can reach her at her new website, https://missmanifestation.com/