Aren’t keywords on Google Analytics great? Keywords, for those of you who don’t know, are the words that people type in to Google that ultimately leads them to your blog. I pretend of course I have the first clue about Google Analytics. The truth is I only go on to see the mad things people type in to get to my blog. That, and to see where you all live! I know there are forty billion things Google Analytics can do to help boost my blog profile but to be honest I can’t be properly arsed learning about it. Super boring!
Anyway. I wish I could take the credit for the idea behind this particular blog post but in truth I’m stealing it from the lovely and sensational Annie of A Little Pinch of Salt. You must right away stop reading this blog post and go and read Annie’s post because it’s seriously fucking hilarious. I’m very much in love with Annie’s blog…
So yes, here are some of the keywords that people have lovingly typed in to Google to find the wonder that is Raw Food Scotland. Stupendous…
Raw Food Sexy – yes, it is rather isn’t it?
Sugar ass – err, yeah
Sassy Raw Foodist – yep, that’s me
Best Raw Chocolate Bar – Coconut Om Bar, no fucking contest
Cirildo Chocarito – WOW, had to Google this one myself. Apparently he’s a 52 year old Tarahumara Indian who won a 100-mile run in California running on the power of Chia seeds! Who knew?
Crazy Fucker Raw Foodist – yep, that’s probably me too
Don’t, don’t you know, don’t you go, no, no, no, noooo – well exactly.
Kefir makes me pee – that’s because it’s liquid, liquids do that…
Oompa Loompa hair – yeah
Raw food has made me a less hateful and less fearful person – well that’s terrific!
Raw Food Lesbians – I’m sure there are one or two…
Tesco Bad Bananas – very bad
Raw Food Porn – hmm
James Dean Bradfield – is a god
Leslie Kenton Mad Witch Fraud – charming
Snog My Chuffing Face Off – but we hardly know each other?
Bathe in Meat – ewww
Brain Hurt When Dulse is Added – don’t add it then?
Clean My Hoover – clean it yourself. Better still, hoover it. Oh the irony
Elixir of Immortality – this isn’t Indiana Jones
Find Raw Food Alternative Woman in Aberdeen – let me know how you get on with that…
Funky Orange Bastard of Satan – hahaha, I literally have no reply to this…
I went for a walk and decided to find a quiet hidden spot and take my clothes off – well that’s just magical. How did you get to my blog from this???
Kate Magic is she gay? – I don’t think she is sorry!
Oh it looks like a coconut to me, it looks like a coconut it was hairy and black – it probably wasn’t a coconut
Why are choc bars so nice? – cos they are made of chocolate
What’s up with raw foodies and chocolate? – see above
Who do I look like to be feeling sorry for someone whos goin around tellin folks dat i started crap…but u knw wat im not goin to let that ruin my day….imma still have fun… and enjoy my day at skoool….and for the rest of my life – you go girlfriend! or boyfriend! You spelled school wrong.
Awesome fun. There were a lot of normal things too of course and I’ll see if I can write some blogs on the most popular questions over the next few weeks.
Love you all!
This blog was written by Raw Food Scotland's previous owner, Emma Calvert. You can reach her at her new website, https://missmanifestation.com/